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The Simple-Talk editorial team keep Simple-Talk running like a finely-tuned engine. You can see an archive of previous caption competitions here.

Caption Competition 3: Caption With a Vengeance

Published 23 May 2014 9:45 am

Congratulations to Doug Tucker for winning this week’s caption competition with:

Having caught yet another developer logged into a production database, Joe dons his DBA hazmat suit and prepares to deploy a different sort of logon trigger.

Please to be informing us what might be going on here. Anything faintly computer-themed will always help, but being funny is more important. The one that raises the most chuckles from our team of professional miseryguts’ will win a $50 Amazon voucher. Get entries in before 5 p.m. UK time on the 30th of May to be eligible.

Simple-Talk Caption Contest 3

 As ever, some suggestions to get you started:

  • He didn’t know how developers kept getting into the server room, but by jove they wouldn’t get out again.

  • Every time you build straight to production, it’s ten minutes with the bees.
  • I know management’s resistant to the cloud, but was burying the IT department this far underground really necessary?

  • After weeks of hunting, a group of highly trained Azure specialists capture the man responsible for branding.

15 Responses to “Caption Competition 3: Caption With a Vengeance”

  1. Phil Factor says:

    Victor Frankenstein: “Sorry dear, I can’t talk now: I’m all tied up at work.”

  2. Robert Young says:

    Dr. Codd, *now* you know how effective RBAR is at keeping apostates under control.

  3. Heather says:

    He’s a little strange but, as a Consultant DBA, as long as I get paid and don’t have to do anything with MongoDB, I don’t worry.

  4. PBeale says:

    It may be the lunch he gave me, but I think I shall do a database dump.

  5. Dimitrios Kalemis says:

    This is the most important part of our users’ training. They need to be prepared for the agony of poor performance and lackluster support.

  6. Adam Walker says:

    According to the instructions, when you’ve tightened the last screw into the server rack, you simply stand back and admire it… oh

  7. IowaWebDave says:

    Joseph was about to be executed for telling the users that they could actually have that enhancement.

  8. Henry Minute says:

    I really didn’t want to but management are forcing me to attend yet another ‘Deep Dive’ presentation.

  9. JohnAtLight says:

    “Ok, Ok. I promise next time I will test my code on the development server first… AND I will start bathing regularly.”

  10. Bill says:

    Bob was positive that the Faraday cage would be his best defense when he went to reconfigure log shipping.

  11. DMoutray says:

    Our DBA, Jim, double-checks the fittings on his Anti-Developer cage as he nervously awaits the impending scrum. Today’s topic? ORM and Performance.

  12. sqlMickey says:

    Please let me out. I promise to remove my nested cursor.

  13. sqlMickey says:

    The alien, named DBCC, didn’t realize the KILL command was a SQL command and not intended for the intern.

  14. DougTucker says:

    Having caught yet another developer logged into a production database, Joe dons his DBA hazmat suit and prepares to deploy a different sort of logon trigger.

  15. Robert Young says:

    And the winner is…. Me?

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